Thursday, January 26, 2012

Dreams or Goals

I haven't blogged about anything substantial in a while, but today has inspired me.  As a writer, self-doubt rears its ugly head from time to time.  It's easy to take a no and turn it into I'm a bad writer.  It's easy to want to give up and not try for more.  It's easy to want to walk away.  I feel that now, but it's not in my nature to give up.  Sometimes, I feel like I'm meant to be a reader and not a writer. I love reading stories. I love reading books about people in their mundane or even extraordinary lives. It gives me a release from my life and an escape from parenting, endless grading, and even my own issues.  Reading is amazing.  It can also be inspiring.  It inspires me to be a better person and to be compassionate about others.  I cry when the characters cry and laugh when they say something funny.  It makes me feel...human. 

Today I received bad news with little to no feedback.  That kills me inside and self-doubt comes back.  I want so badly for my personal dreams to come true, but being published cannot be a goal. It can't be a goal because I have zero control of the outcome unless I take it into my own hands and publish myself.  I'm not saying I am going that route, but in reality that is the only way I can ensure it happens.  My only choice is patience. But the question for any writer is how much patience can one have before throwing in the proverbial towel?  I don't know the answer to that. It's different for everyone. 

So what am I? A reader or a writer?  Can I be both or is one outweighing the other?  Reading is safe, while writing takes a chance.  So for now, I don't know.  I am in a perpetual holding pattern constantly using my inner filter keeping me from saying things I will regret later, but the problem is my filter is keeping me from writing as well.  So again, I just don't know. In the meantime, I will continue being patient, but I'm not sure how much longer than can take place.  I may have to take my dreams and make them goals.

2 comments:

  1. You can be both! Rejection is hard on us all, but remember that published authors have one thing in common--they didn't quit. Keep reading, keep writing, keep learning, keep improving, keep submitting, keep reaching out. One person's overnight success is another's ten year fight :)

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  2. I can totally relate to where you are coming from, since I am currently querying and have received several rejections. It can be very hard.

    I worked two years on a manuscript and now I feel like it's utter trash. I'm currently working on my second one and I'm very nervous about it.

    Just remember, there's not really any bad writers out there. There are people learning how to be better writers. Maybe my manuscript will not get published, but I can already tell this second one is better than the first.

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