I'm totally an A type personality. I make lists of lists of things to do. I have three calendars on my desk at school at any given time each on tracking something new. I must have an agenda when on vacation or else I can't relax. I don't like change. I don't like being limbo. I must have structure and organization. All of these traits, of course, mean I am a total control freak. Even when writing, I must first outline the entire story into chapter sections. Once that is done, I write chapter summaries to get a feel for what I want to write and when. It's all part of the process for me. I've always been like this, and I know I'm not alone. I have read about countless authors who plan everything out to the T, and it works for them. As a matter of fact, even in college, I planned out my stories for my writing classes before sitting down to the computer to hammer them out. It's how I've always been.
But now I question my ability. I question the quality of my formulaic writing because it's yet to be picked up. I know rejections are a part of writing and that's fine, but I'm wondering now if my writing it too form. So, I started a new work in progress. I'm about 8000 words in and am feeling the story so much that I can't help but cry while I write. This is new for me. Crying isn't new, but I haven't put anything on paper in preparation for this story. I know I want to have to events leading to the turn and I want three effects to the turn along with two possible solutions. The skeleton, so to speak, is planned - in my mind - but nothing is on paper. No outline, no summaries, no nothing. I'm just sitting down and writing and it's scaring the hell out of me. This is so different from anything I've ever imagined, but it's good. I feel it in my bones. Today I wrote 1200 words and fought back the tears not wanting my husband who is sitting next to me to look at me like I'm crazy while I write. Instead, I write the pain and push it aside.